Yeah, the subject is phrased in such a way as to elicit the "them's fightin' words!" response. Would you be less likely to punch me if I told you the reason you don't deserve a second chance with your ex is the same reason I don't deserve one with mine?
Some exposition is in order. Typically, I don't like to talk about this in public places, particularly in places she could easily see it, but honestly? I doubt the contents would leave her with a bad feeling.
My name is Richard Jordan Bishop, I'm 28 years old, and the only real relationship I've ever had ended 10 years ago this month. Luckily, I'm not creepy enough to remember the exact day...
Anyway, I dreamed about her last night. In my waking hours, I'm not even sure if I could pick her out of a crowd anymore, but last night, she was here, and she was dating one of my best friends. His name is Hasko, and the dream makes zero sense because he's been married for years.
But that's how the dream went, and somehow, it hurt like hell. Even in my dream, I was lucid enough to tell Hasko that it was none of my business who either of them dated, that it was not fair of me to be hurt by it, but I was.
It's been ten years. I have no idea what she's doing or where she's at in life, but I can picture her married and successful and the thought makes me smile while I'm awake. It really does. But in dreams, sometimes we're our old selves, and I guess I was still 18 in this last dream.
Like all bad writers, I feel the need to give you more exposition. As I implied above, I haven't had a true girlfriend since; I came close once, and there were other opportunities. Part of me believes I should have tried harder, because I suspect it would have been a big relief for her to know I was dating someone else. You see, she somehow managed to be the shoulder I cried on during our breakup, and I imagine nothing could give her closure like knowing I've moved on. As it stands, it might look like I'm holding out for her... but I believe she remembers that I didn't have any girlfriends before her, and if birds of my feather flock anywhere, it ain't here. I don't think it's unreasonable to reckon my relationships are bound to be extremely few and fart between, particularly while I remain in this community.
It would have been easier to get over her if I found someone else, yes, but I believe I've managed move on without such a catalyst. I hope she agrees.
I haven't even touched the point yet, have I? This is why exposition is horrible, class!
We don't deserve second chances because we don't deserve first chances. How bad rejection hurts is no indication of how much we deserved acceptance. When rejections hurts, it isn't the rejector that's hurting you. YOU are hurting you. They don't owe you anything. Even if they did, affection isn't a reasonable thing to expect when someone owes you something.
All the time and good memories you've had with someone may never come back. It's very unlikely they will, and just because someone enjoyed you before doesn't mean they have to enjoy you now.
Just like Bieber will break millions of hearts when he settles down (prolly with a dude, because saying so is in no way appropriate!), none of those broken hearts have any right to feel cheated by his choice. It's fine to hurt, but you can't pretend the subject of your unrequited love is what wronged you.
Never try to extort someone into loving you, because that's not what you'll be getting. Even if you 'succeed,' it's actually just their pity keeping them near you, their guilt over the misconception that it's their fault you're hurting. Don't do it, because by resorting to such cheap tactics, you are proving that you were never worthy of them in the first place. If she gave you a chance, you need to realize you weren't entitled to it, and treat it like the undeserved gift it is.
If it helps you, promise yourself you'll become someone so great that it's THEY who weren't worthy of YOU, but by the time you realize how stupid that idea was, you'll have gotten over them. Then, you'll both have won.
I wonder if this makes sense to anyone but me. Long story short, guys: know when to man up and bear the pain. Because if you don't, all the time you're about to spend not really loving one another is wasted. If you'd just loved her enough to let her go, both of you might have found better relationships by now.
The longer you threaten to kill yourself or whatever you're doing to keep them near you, the harder it will be to get over your ego and declare an end. But you need to. Because if you can, you'll have proven to everyone, including her, that you weren't a mistake.
They might pretend they like being the center of your universe at first, the kind of idea that makes "if you leave me, I'll die!" seem plausible, but whether they realize it or not, that responsibility would be a tragic burden. They need you need to be able to live without them; otherwise how can they expect to count on you when they really need it? If one person is the rock your relationship stands on, then you both drown when something shakes them.
I suppose I'm not at a place in life where I can give advice; I rather like where I'm at and what I'm doin', but I don't expect many people out there want to walk the path I have. They'd probably find it really dull. All the same, I think this is the sort of thing that can help you move along any road you choose to take. At least give it some thought.
And, if YOU are reading this, I'm sorry if this doesn't sit quite right with you. I really do hope you're happy, and all the better if it's because you're with someone who makes you that happy!
