Electricity: an Elemental Butt Sandwich.

Light seemed like a pretty straightforward element. At least, when compared to electricity. Does that sound backward? Well, after this, maybe you'll agree: electricity is trickier.

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Color: Purple
Sin: Wrath
Virtue: Wisdom

  Nature and Applications: Most people don't have a grasp on the concept of electricity, and in ancient times, even the most scholarly people believed it only existed in the sky. To this day, most people only know it as lightning, as some foreign spirit in the clouds that only comes down to punish any who dare anger it.

  The rare masters of this element profess a poetic irony in the superstition surrounding electricity, particularly because it plays a crucial role in every human mind. The layman equates electricity to lightning, and therefore as an irrational and strictly destructive force. However, the principle element that causes lightning is actually the source of rational thought. While light fuels the consciousness of water, wind, and earth, the elements lack the guidance of true thought, their awareness confined to blind emotions and impulses. Electricity is what sets the living mind above the elements.

  Electricity is a pragmatist. It craves efficiency and order, and therefore, reacts violently when order is upset. Like many great scholars, it is curious and easily absorbed in the search for knowledge. Just as a professor is prone to strike a student who interrupts their reading, electricity attacks anything that disturbs its flow.

   The most conspicuous use of this element is always in its offensive capacity. The human body is regulated by the nervous system's natural charge, so a sorcerer of electricity can easily disrupt that control by introducing a foreign current. Further, many physical elements naturally try to resist any invading flows of electricity, and the conflict between matter and energy can result in burning. Electricity is a fickle element, and requires special conditions in order to be weaponized, but its users are famously good at finding clever ways to meet those requirements. For instance, many common weapons double as a natural candidate for storing charges and transmitting shocks.

  When used with subtlety, it has more constructive applications. To know an electric mage is to know an inventor; their understanding of the energy inspires the creation of all sorts of gadgets. Electricity is known for its ability to coordinate with light and heat, and as such, electricians are known to employ devices that can make light, cook, and even do manual labor for them.Electricity is truly a tool that only the clever can use.

In a more direct applcation, since electricity is such a fundamental part of thought, these mages are known to be better at understanding what other people are thinking.

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Alright, so as you may be able to tell, I don't have as strong a grasp on how electricity will play out in Arbiter. The difficulty is that, usually, sorcerers can pull their element directly from the environment. While I could technically just claim a mage can siphon from the charges in the electron clouds of all the matter around them, but electricity is special. Asperger special, to be precise. The title finally makes sense! Asperger, Ass burger, butt sandwich, you get it... essentially, electricity is the Patricia Tannis (Borderlands) of the elements.

Brilliant, but irritable to the point of neurosis. While, like heat, light, and even life, sorcerers will still source their power from their environments, electricity won't simply gather through the air. They need some method of conduction or generation.To try and gather it directly from the atmosphere's molecules or from the earth's particles or from whatever substance disturbs electricity's love of order, it would probably just have an autistic-style fit and fry you for violating the system. So you have to play ball and have some kind of battery, generator, or conductive tool to collect the raw energy before you can cast with it.

Say they're in an environment with an abnormally strong charge, like one of those super sandstorms in the Sahara Desert (rumor has it, they produce ground-level lightning storms). Perhaps a mage has a device to capture and redirect or even store that energy for later. Maybe they live their lives around the gathering of energy, they're the 'come prepared' sort of battler. It could all be about batteries, and while they might have countless generators around the house to convert light, heat, and motion into electricity slowly over time, they can only use as much electricity as they bring to the battle in the form of a limited-capacity and heavy battery? Maybe they just scooch across the carpet in their onesies a lot?

For hybrid mages, perhaps they can use other elements to help them generate electricity. For instance, a light mage's understanding of light might enable him to produce solar power (photovoltaics) in some way. Electricity is among the most difficult elements to use, and to me, that suggests most electric users can use other elements and thereby generate electricity by using another element in a clever fashion. Unless your personality is completely high-functioning autism, a la Rainman, you probably studied your way up to electricity through another school of magic.

Also, magnets. How do they work? (you lose points if you know why that's supposed to be funny)

Seriously though, magnetism falls into their specialty.

This is the best opportunity yet to get ideas from you guys. How might an electrician (an electric magician, get it?!) source their spells? Plus, I electricity is such an awkward word, what should we call this school? Shock magic? Furthermore, there's a distinct lack of spell description here. I have more ideas than lightning strikes, but this is already long, and a lot of those ideas incorporate concepts that warrant their own articles. Be as creative and indirect as you want: how could you see electricity being used in battle?

Phrisky Photons: the Light Element.

Forgive me if I've said this before, but I currently plan to have magic in Arbiter be comprised of 8 different elements, and that collective will be known as the elemental spectrum. The classic elements, the ones that really spawned the idea of elements in fantasy, are earth, air, fire, and water. Why am I doubling that number? Well, I guess because other people have, and I liked it. Plus, they divide neatly: four are energy (light, electricity, fire/heat, and life/nature) and four are physical (earth, water, air, darkness).

If you're confounded by an element's categorization there, save it for that element's individual profile in the weeks to come!

So we'll start with Light, an element that isn't on the classical list, but one we've seen frequently enough. Warcraft and Warhammer, Final Fantasy, Zelda, Magic: The Gathering, and holy crap all my examples are games. You know what, though? I'm not gonna care, because if we tried hard enough, we'd find it elsewhere.

Anyway, here's the profile:
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Light element

Color: White (shut up, we're calling it a color)
Sin: Lust
Virtue: Love

   Nature and applications: Light is the purest form of energy. It is plentiful and generous, giving itself freely to whatever it touches. Those who are fond of it claim it to be the source of love and everything that is good. Cynics associate light with promiscuity and impulsiveness. Some say it is the easiest school of magic, because all the element desires is to give itself to others.
 
   Light is believed to be the source of the physical elements' consciousness, that it brings the energy required for wizards to be able to manipulate water, earth, and air.

The most common use of light is in healing magic, where it is used to supercharge the body's ability to regenerate.

From a utility standpoint, someone's sight is entirely dependent on light, so light can be used to play tricks on the enemy's vision or even deprive them of it entirely. And since Light is necessary for sight, Light can be used to spy on things you'd normally be unable to see; Light obviously travels swiftly, so as long as there's light around to ask favors of, it can travel to a target and return to reassemble what it saw in a matter of seconds.

There are offensive applications too, however: light mages can concentrate light into beams of pure kinetic energy, which can be used to inflict blunt-force trauma or even punch holes through solid objects.
 
   Indeed, many scholars believe light and kinetic energy are the same thing: any object that moves at sufficient speeds will glow in proportion to its velocity. This is why stars and comets shine: they either burn hot or move swiftly enough. Even weapons have been purported to glow with an unnatural light when swung by particularly-skilled warriors, though the light only lasts a moment, and it's not common to find a person with the prowess to achieve such speeds.
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That's how we might describe it from within the world of Arbiter. From outside, there's a couple more things I want to say about it.

First and easiest, associating a color with each element is important because they'll be used with runes (we'll explore that in the post about runes).

While light and heat are closely associated in reality (can't think of anything that generates light that doesn't also generate heat), I want to separate them for Arbiter. I want to change its nature a bit, to make super concentrations of light less like laser beams and more like the repulsor blasts from Iron Man's hands, or maybe even the Kamehameha. Like it says above, kinetic energy. I feel like it would make light more identifiable from "fire" magic. And, if my wildest dreams ever came true and I had the chance to work with a comic artist or game developer or movie producer or something, they could have fun with the whole "an object's brightness is proportional to how fast it's moving" dynamic. If his hammer glows, you know the hit is gonna hurt. Shut up, it's fun to daydream about the idea!

Unlike other franchises, which like to use light as a metaphor for good and darkness as a metaphor for evil, I want to avoid that suggestion. Sure, there will be churches and societies in Arbiter that might claim that light is pure good and dark is pure evil, but I hope to always have credible characters to dispute that claim. Just like all the other elements, light has a neutral alignment. The whole reason I plan to assign one of the seven deadly sins (and a similar virtue) to all (except one!) elements is not to suggest how good or evil it is, but to give you a better idea of the element's consciousness, its personality, and an idea for what type of person would like to use which school of magic.They are what motivates the element to do anything at all, the desires a sorcerer needs to appease in order to get their element(s) to play along.

In this case, Light is the Snooki of the group. People who love her do so because she's outgoing and friendly and innocent. (I don't see promiscuity as a crime, really) People who hate her do so because she's intrusive and impulsive and shamelessly stupid. Ya feel guilty for hating her because whenever she does something bad, it's simply because she didn't know any better. She never does anything with the intention to harm. She's only intolerable because she NEVER knows better, although my entire judgment comes from the clips they played during Beavis and Butthead...

Was probably a mistake to make that association, but Light, more than any other element, might need a strong example of why a given person may not like it, why not everyone can be a light mage. Which is why it might be okay to compare to Snooki right now.

So. When you guys hear 'light magic' or 'light element,' what comes to mind? What games, books, or shows immediately stand out? (right now, I'm either thinkin' Warcraft priest/paladin or Kizaru and the Pacifista from One Piece) Has anyone used it in a particularly clever way? Most importantly, can you think of ways you might make use of light in spellcasting? Perhaps in somewhat more real-world ways, like mirages or inducing seizures/hallucinations, or would you rather break the laws of real world physics like I did? (light is the fastest thing ever, therefore, the faster something moves, the brighter it should glow!)

What is magic?

The focus of this little focus group is on a project I call Arbiter. It is a fantasy project, and there's not a mammoth amount I can tell you about it, because I'm hoping all of you can help me build this thing.

So back to the title; what is magic? I have three things to immediately say about it:

Magic is...

1. Totally gay.

2. An alternative to technology. After all, "any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic." - All due credit to Arthur C Clarke.

3. A fundamental alteration to the physical laws of the real world that would allow its denizens to manipulate their environment in spectacular ways without physical exertion or complicated devices.

I don't suppose these help a ton yet, particularly not #1, but the other two are important for what will (hopefully) make magic in Arbiter different. The idea is: if magic were real, why would scientists and engineers get their hands dirty with gears and wheels? In line with that, I plan to have witches and shamans and wizards (different cultures will use different names) approach magic more like scientists and engineers than most of the more famous fantasy mages.

Fantasy has been far more popular than science fiction for the past couple of decades, and the reigning theory suggests it's because fantasy comes across as optimistic and Sci-fi often feels bleak (dystopia reigns). A lot of that comes from the implications of magic, which makes anything seem possible. It's a big draw for people, an escape to a place where wishes can come true. From a marketing standpoint, appealing to the broadest audience means prolific and potent use of magic. That said, I have some gripes with the status quo.

A lot of times, a character uses magic a way we've never seen in that world before, and it feels like cheating. Either the hero saves the day with some unprecedented spell and the story ends in an unsatisfying way (an example of deus ex machina, something to avoid at all costs), or a villain exploits it in a way that just feels cheap and uninteresting (Aizen, in Bleach, was literally unbeatable so long as he wanted to be.)

So what I want to do is have clearly-defined rules that I must follow. They don't need to be laid out for the reader in the actual story, not all at once. I just feel like I should have a system worked out beforehand, and by doing so, never create a deus ex machina. The challenge is to have such a system without killing the optimistic whimsy that lets the reader escape into the book's world.

Currently, my explanation for the existence of magic is an over-abundance of energy in the world. This excess energy grants a sort of consciousness to the different elements (earth, wind, fire, whathaveyou), and thereby, a sorcerer can appeal to the environment to manipulate itself to suit their need.

Communication will be an essential component. Magic is used by imagining how the environment needs to manipulate itself and then communicating the desired process to the proper elements. Most of that communication can be described as telepathic, but I hate that word by itself, it's not quite right. The more precise explanation would involve the human body being made of the same elements found in the environment, and the body's elements are still conscious, so the magician can communicate with the environment's elements using their body's elements as a mediator. Perhaps even 'living' is an unconscious use of magic; each person is magician enough by default to assemble and regulate the bits of water, earth, electricity, etc. that compose the body, and true sorcerers have simply expanded that control to the world around them.

I plan to have incantations (Harry Potter) be wholly unnecessary, though novices often use them to evoke the proper mindset for themselves, to help them feel the emotions that will persuade the correct elements. Runes will play a crucial role (in a future post!), though.

Another barrier to success will be aligning the sorcerer's will with that of the elements' personalities (lightning feels like it needs a good reason to strike that guy). Since the elements are conscious, they possess individual personalities that the magician needs to learn how to cater to (earth is a prideful element). We'll probably explore that later, with a post for each element.

Finally, there will be some taxing of the user's mental fortitude, but it will be less about mental will (think Luke and Yoda lifting the X-Wing out of the swamp) and more about focus and multitasking ability (think playing Star/Warcraft or playing Ophelia and microing all those minotaurs.) That distinction is important to me; I don't want magic to be sourced by some abstract power reserve inside the user (mana, aura, will, chakra, ki). I want it to be about clever use of the surroundings and strategy.

One thing I want to avoid is the idea that a mage can make something from nothing, like conjure water for their thirsty friends (a la Warcraft); they need the raw materials in their environment.

So, in conclusion: Who do you guys think has done magic best? Who has done it worst? (As far as I'm concerned, you can even consider X-men mutations and ki from Dragonball Z to be magic). Any authors I should read or shows to watch to know what (or what not) to do? Most importantly, if it were you in the pilot's seat, what would you be sure to include or exclude in your magic system?

An Appeal To Me Pals.

  Word, idiots. I know, "hostile work environment!" Danger Zone, Lana.

  Comic Con has done something like this, to me, both times it's happened. Why for? Guess there must be something to this "social animal" argument.

  I've thought a ton about the coming subject of this li'l article, which we haven't got to yet. I started putting The Agnostic Crusade into words back in August 2005 (I don't know if that's true, actually, but it sounds right), and ever since, I've been grappling with how you guys might react to my stories.

 Stories? Gaaaaaay.

  At first, I was terrified of you. That's probably not much of a confession, you probably suspected something like that ever since you found out I was chasing this "Author" goose. You may not have known what I was afraid of (I think I just barely figured that out), just that I was afraid. None of that's your fault.

  Why does talking about trying to write for a living feel so much like being in the closet for me? That's not a fair comparison in any way. Think I'm alone in that regard?

  I don't think I am afraid anymore, because I think I get it now. It was easy all along. I was afraid that exposing my work would confirm the possibility that I'm the only one who cares about the things I tend to care about. It was always as simple as that. I was afraid I was the only one who would like the things I like, and that would mean I'm alone or something.

  What a crock, amirite? I don't think that was a puzzle that required all this time to work out logically. I think it was more like a button that took me all these years to work up the courage to push. MAN was that anticlimactic.

  Aside from all that, me ego don't feel important anymore. It don't hurt when it's hit, so why defend it? We're approaching the point now, hang in there.

  With all the media attention (hate me right now?) on income inequality lately, I've heard a lot of journalists exploring what makes the difference between 'successful people' and peons like me. The answer doesn't seem to be education, though you get the answer from the same place you get your education; the answer is the network. They may be on to something

  Something like 85% of CEOs in America belonged to a fraternity, according to that one lady on the Daily Show that one time. (Incontrovertible source!) I hear constant statistics about how people who get dookie done have these armies or networks or something behind them. They do the rest of us a great disservice by pretending they pulled themselves up by their bootstraps. They got to where they are because they were either boosted by their friends or their friends pulled them up after they got boosted.

  On the chance it sounds like I'm implying blame, know that's not what I mean. If that previous paragraph sounded like "I haven't been published because you guys haven't helped me!", you read it wrong. I'm not saying that; I'm saying I'm an idiot for approaching this as "something I have to do alone."

  In recent months, I've realized this may be the factor that's slowing me down so much, that's draining my motivation to work. If I could approach this a little more like a raid boss and less like a boss from a single-player JRPG, I'd definitely be more active on the project (though if we do this experiment, the project changes.) But how? Nobody, myself included, wants to sit down and read a complete manuscript and try to pick apart everything they don't like about it.

  Oh, duh. The answer's easy. Don't wait until you've completed the mountain to ask people what's wrong with it. Ask people what they think of each Lego before you put it on the Lego mountain. That's why, if a number of you bungplugs are in, we're starting from scratch.

  Yeah, we've arrived. I want you dudes to consider helping me, and I think (with some refinement), I can have you do that in a manner that resembles what we already like to do together. You know how we go to Denny's and quibble (don't give me that look) about our flavor of the month, about what we love and about the 'if only they did this' stuff and how the whole exercise is kind of awesome? Think maybe we could get somewhere if I threw some ideas I have at you guys and you played with em a bit?

  This is all in line with that "frat" statistic up there. You may be thinking: why should Gordo be the first to get a boost this way? We've all got our dreams, why should we put ours on hold to further Gordo's? Well, there is no reason for that. I can't provide any tangible compensation. All I can do is try to keep things bite size (how'd this article get so big already?) and try to keep it fun somehow, try to harness our critiques for existing zombie apocalypses and fantasy franchises and apply it to my little hobby. It's a selfish favor to ask, which is why I won't be disappointed if it's not one you can agree to. Refusal won't hurt me, I promise.

  Another issue: you may not understand exactly what I'm asking just yet. Well, I'm thinking of rattling off a little post like this (shorter! if I can be competent in this industry, it must be shorter!) every week or so, present you with an idea and see how you might make it better. For instance, if I were the creator of these franchises, I might lay out the rules of the Devil Fruit system in One Piece and ask for your input on individual fruits, might introduce you to the Force from Star Wars and help me decide how it can and can't be used, might introduce you to Ned Stark and ask if and how I should kill him off. Do you understand the favor I'm asking, the proposal I'm making? I want input on whether ideas feel interesting/fresh enough and how you might make them more so.

  Yeah. It's entirely possible I need to wake up and return to the real world and forget all this authorship nonsense and you want no part of such a waste of time. If so, though, I'm numb to that need. I can survive, even if this author thing is a diversion, so don't feel like you're encouraging self-destructive behavior by playin' this game wit' me. I'm still going to try, even if I've got nothing to show for meself in the next nine years.

  You don't need to commit. I'm just asking you to experiment with me. I'll continue to invite you to participate, and if you find yourself unable to make it through a particular post/keep up with the posts each week(?), just tell me that, and that will be more than enough feedback. Even this idea of helping me critique ideas is an idea that's up for critique.

  I get how gay all the candor feels right now. I'm violating the bro code or something with all this 'sincerity.' Suck it up, pussy, I got work to do! I'm just inviting the more valid opinions to the table before I go skulking off to find less competent ones, that's all. One of my primary shortfalls (plural!) for "making it" is I'm not prolific enough, and I really believe discussing the project as it goes will do wonders to keep me on task; thereby, I'd be insulting you if I turn to incompetent trolls before asking the dildos that have had a point every once in a long while.

  Do you see why I believe this exercise would be useful? Do you think you'd have the time and interest to participate? Post using G+ here, open a new tab and respond on facebook or via e-mail, or just say it in vent, if talking's easier than typing. Anyhoo. You've made it through #1, hopefully future posts fit in the mouth easier. You know, like your mothers' dicks. Eat it!

Don't even click this One Piece theory unless you're a complete One Piece manga nerd.

So. One Piece. It's easily my favorite anime/manga I've ever experienced; it certainly far outshines the other two members of the 'big three.' Hunter X Hunter and Cowboy Bebop come close, but thus far, One Piece is the king.

With that out of the way, if you don't follow the anime or, further, the manga, this probably isn't going to make any sense to you.

With that out of the way, a word on my lack of credentials. One Piece is notoriously hard to predict! Captain Oda is very good about keeping us on the edge of our seats. There is only one time ever that I made a prediction that came true, and I'm pretty proud of it.

When Blackbeard showed up at Impel Down, I knew Whitebeard was a dead man and I knew Blackbeard was the man who would kill him. I didn't expect him to take Whitebeard's fruit, and I thought for sure that Ace was going to escape, but the fact remains: I knew Whitebeard was sailing to his death, but it wasn't the marines that were going to claim his head.

Thus far, that's just pointless bragging. The only reason I'm proud of it is that I'm hoping my own novels become good enough to publish one day, and to be able to understand the web that Oda was weaving, even in such an incomplete fashion, makes me feel like I might succeed one day.

Now to the new theory. This begins during the Fishman Island arc, and the first time it occurred to me was when Robin and Neptune were discussing Princess Shirahoshi inheriting the ability to control sea kings; essentially, she is one of the three great weapons, 'Poseidon.' The reason I think the way I do is routed in facts revealed before this point, but this is where the theory occurred to me.

By now, you might be guessing at my theory, and you might think I'm insane, but let me take you through the motions before you pass judgment =P.

1. Madame Sharley, Arlong's sister and the mermaid famous for predicting the dawn of the great pirate era, saw a man in a straw hat in her crystal ball. She saw this man destroy fishman island. Madame Sharley assumed it was Luffy. It was explicitly stated that she had no way of knowing when her predictions would come to pass, only that they definitely would. It is also important that she said she saw a man in a straw hat destroy the island; when she described her vision, it's important that she didn't say 'I saw Straw Hat Luffy destroy Fishman Island.' She assumed it was him, but I believe she was mistaken.

So, to summarize bullet point number one: I believe Fishman Island will still be destroyed by a man wearing a straw hat. As a conversation between a fishman child and his father revealed, straw hats are about to become a hot fashion item on Fishman Island, and most of the population seems to have forgotten about Madame Sharley's prediction. http://www.mangapanda.com/one-piece/653/15

2. We still don't know what purpose the giant boat Noah serves, but we know it's very important to Fishman Island. While the story of Noah's ark is obvious to all of us who live in prominent Christian countries, it may not be obvious to the Japanese fans. Still, I think most of us have quietly assumed that the boat Luffy nearly destroyed was intended to bring the Fishmen to a new home one day.

I believe Noah will be repaired and used when the man in the straw hat destroys Fishman Island. I doubt the way Noah was supposed to be use will surprise any of you, but it's important!

3. This may be the most important point of my theory. Wet-hair Caribou overheard Robin and Neptune discussing Shirahoshi's identity as Poseidon. This is why he tried to kidnap her. Obviously, Luffy, Zoro, and Sanji stopped him, but after he reawakens and begins searching for the treasure that Luffy took from him, he says this: "If I bring back the secret of the mermaid princess(...) to you know who, then maybe I'll gain bonus points with you-know-who!" http://www.mangapanda.com/one-piece/652/9

I believe that whoever "you-know-who"  (or whoever Caribou ends up telling about Poseidon, since Drake captured him, maybe it's whoever Drake's working for? +Andrew Lastrollo, you know who I'm talking about) turns out to be will be the man in the straw hat who destroys Fishman Island, and I believe this person will destroy Fishman Island in their attempt to take Poseidon for themselves.

4. As discussed during Robin and Neptune's conversation, Joy Boy predicted that a fated man would one day fulfill a broken promise 'Joy Boy' made to 'Poseidon' or 'Fishman Island.' You can probably guess where my theory is going now. http://www.mangapanda.com/one-piece/649/16

5. Jimbei has promised to join the Strawhat pirate crew when he has fulfilled his obligations to Fishman Island and cut his ties to Big Mom. Those are his stated reasons, but I believe Oda delayed his joining of the crew because he needed Jimbei to be on Fishman Island when it was destroyed. Because:

I believe that, when the island is destroyed, Neptune and the princes will focus on evacuating the Fishmen to Noah, delivering them to their new home (wherever that may be). But no matter where they go, the Fishman Kingdom will never be safe so long as Shirahoshi lives there. Even the dreaded Straw Hat name, becoming more famous every day, won't be enough to keep the people who want Poseidon from attacking again. So,

I believe Neptune will ask Jimbei to take Shirahoshi with him to the Strawhats and protect her while Monkey D. Luffy fulfills the promise that 'Joy Boy' made to 'Poseidon' or 'Fishman Island.'

So there it is. This is a mess as it stands, and I'll likely edit it later (and if you like the theory and want to add to it, I'll be happy to include it and credit your addition!) If I'm an idiot, tell me so, and tell me why!

Why men don't deserve a second chance with their ex

     Yeah, the subject is phrased in such a way as to elicit the "them's fightin' words!" response. Would you be less likely to punch me if I told you the reason you don't deserve a second chance with your ex is the same reason I don't deserve one with mine?

Some exposition is in order. Typically, I don't like to talk about this in public places, particularly in places she could easily see it, but honestly? I doubt the contents would leave her with a bad feeling.

My name is Richard Jordan Bishop, I'm 28 years old, and the only real relationship I've ever had ended 10 years ago this month. Luckily, I'm not creepy enough to remember the exact day...

Anyway, I dreamed about her last night. In my waking hours, I'm not even sure if I could pick her out of a crowd anymore, but last night, she was here, and she was dating one of my best friends. His name is Hasko, and the dream makes zero sense because he's been married for years.

But that's how the dream went, and somehow, it hurt like hell. Even in my dream, I was lucid enough to tell Hasko that it was none of my business who either of them dated, that it was not fair of me to be hurt by it, but I was.

It's been ten years. I have no idea what she's doing or where she's at in life, but I can picture her married and successful and the thought makes me smile while I'm awake. It really does. But in dreams, sometimes we're our old selves, and I guess I was still 18 in this last dream.

Like all bad writers, I feel the need to give you more exposition. As I implied above, I haven't had a true girlfriend since; I came close once, and there were other opportunities. Part of me believes I should have tried harder, because I suspect it would have been a big relief for her to know I was dating someone else. You see, she somehow managed to be the shoulder I cried on during our breakup, and I imagine nothing could give her closure like knowing I've moved on. As it stands, it might look like I'm holding out for her... but I believe she remembers that I didn't have any girlfriends before her, and if birds of my feather flock anywhere, it ain't here. I don't think it's unreasonable to reckon my relationships are bound to be extremely few and fart between, particularly while I remain in this community.

It would have been easier to get over her if I found someone else, yes, but I believe I've managed move on without such a catalyst. I hope she agrees.

I haven't even touched the point yet, have I? This is why exposition is horrible, class!

We don't deserve second chances because we don't deserve first chances. How bad rejection hurts is no indication of how much we deserved acceptance. When rejections hurts, it isn't the rejector that's hurting you. YOU are hurting you. They don't owe you anything. Even if they did, affection isn't a reasonable thing to expect when someone owes you something.

All the time and good memories you've had with someone may never come back. It's very unlikely they will, and just because someone enjoyed you before doesn't mean they have to enjoy you now.

Just like Bieber will break millions of hearts when he settles down (prolly with a dude, because saying so is in no way appropriate!), none of those broken hearts have any right to feel cheated by his choice. It's fine to hurt, but you can't pretend the subject of your unrequited love is what wronged you.

Never try to extort someone into loving you, because that's not what you'll be getting. Even if you 'succeed,' it's actually just their pity keeping them near you, their guilt over the misconception that it's their fault you're hurting. Don't do it, because by resorting to such cheap tactics, you are proving that you were never worthy of them in the first place. If she gave you a chance, you need to realize you weren't entitled to it, and treat it like the undeserved gift it is.

If it helps you, promise yourself you'll become someone so great that it's THEY who weren't worthy of YOU, but by the time you realize how stupid that idea was, you'll have gotten over them. Then, you'll both have won.

I wonder if this makes sense to anyone but me. Long story short, guys: know when to man up and bear the pain. Because if you don't, all the time you're about to spend not really loving one another is wasted. If you'd just loved her enough to let her go, both of you might have found better relationships by now.

The longer you threaten to kill yourself or whatever you're doing to keep them near you, the harder it will be to get over your ego and declare an end. But you need to. Because if you can, you'll have proven to everyone, including her, that you weren't a mistake.

They might pretend they like being the center of your universe at first, the kind of idea that makes "if you leave me, I'll die!" seem plausible, but whether they realize it or not, that responsibility would be a tragic burden. They need you need to be able to live without them; otherwise how can they expect to count on you when they really need it? If one person is the rock your relationship stands on, then you both drown when something shakes them.

I suppose I'm not at a place in life where I can give advice; I rather like where I'm at and what I'm doin', but I don't expect many people out there want to walk the path I have. They'd probably find it really dull. All the same, I think this is the sort of thing that can help you move along any road you choose to take. At least give it some thought.

And, if YOU are reading this, I'm sorry if this doesn't sit quite right with you. I really do hope you're happy, and all the better if it's because you're with someone who makes you that happy!

On the ACA and me (Obamacare, in demagogue's tongue)

Guess I was wrong about the idea the health care law wouldn't affect me. My rates went down a bit! (that's ARUP's (love you!) explanation for the decrease, anyway) Neat. Don't think this is my final judgment on the law, though; I was fine before the law and it's neat that I'm a little finer after, but it's not me I have in mind when it comes to health care legislation.

I want health care legislation to help people who WEREN'T fine before the law. Does this law do that? HellifIknowyet. I suspect it could have been much more, but with the amount of pressure from people who think the old way was the best way, I guess a compromise might be the best I could have hoped for?

HellifIknowyet. All I know is I won't fight a step in the right direction, because it seems to me it's more progress than not taking the step at all. Just because the stride might have been longer doesn't mean we abort the sub-optimal one?

You guessed it. HellifIknowyet.